I turned inward today because I felt the uncomfortable hollowness of fear within me. I noticed my first instinct was to try to connect with a friend, go work out, watch a movie, browse social media…. I had this need to be externally distracted.
In this restlessness, I knew a part of me was crying out for my love and attention.
I chose to surpass the external distractions and go inwards.
I always start with a prayer. I offer up everything that no longer serves me and I invite the Divine in to restore the perfection Divinity created me in. I ask to give up all attachments, control, and fear and ask for the strength to surrender totally into the Divine.
I then meditate by feeling into my own body and from there I become curious, “what does the inside of my tummy feel like?” I sit with it for a moment. I feel into my energy….. surprisingly today I feel pretty good in the first three chakra areas. I normally will carry fear within my solar plexus area. But not really today.
I then migrated up, “what does my heart feel like?” ah…… here we go….. I sensed a hollow shadow, an emptiness filling with fear. I offered the darkness to the light. I let the light fill me.
I was now ready to feel into what was coming up for me. It actually surprised me!
Feeling safe in my Divine Feminine.
Feeling powerful in my Divine Feminine.
Feeling protected in my Divine Feminine.
I am an excellent Coach, Mentor, Teacher, Therapist….. truly, this is my Mastery in life. This is my art. One look through my Testimonials page and you’ll see the type of miraculous results I’m talking about. I love this role. I feel very safe in this role. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I am meant to be this. I embody it. I live it. I walk it with confidence.
With that said, these roles are highly directive and take me stepping into my Divine Masculine energy. Something I am happy to do for my clients, students, and community. Something I don’t want to do in my personal life.
I am a woman who is anchored in her Divine Feminine. I am my most authentic, most powerful, and most fulfilled anchored in my Divine Feminine while stepping into my Divine Masculine to serve (Coach/Mentor/Heal) and then jumping right back into my Divine Feminine.
In fact, I had to learn how to create prosperity while anchored into the Divine Feminine. The action oriented Divine Masculine way of creating prosperity was a no-go for me. I shied away at that warrior energy. I’d much rather live through inspiration while creating and calling in opportunities, versus having to “go out and hunt it”.
This very life lesson is how my Money Maven Mentorships were born. Now I help sensitive sweeties do the same and prosper in their Divine Feminine.
Okay… so up to this point, it seems I feel pretty safe and confident in my Divine Feminine, right? So what the heck?
…. Men ….
That’s right …. this stems from my personal life.
My old pattern with men in my younger years looked something like this….
“You’re emotionally unavailable? Awesome! Perfect! Absolutely no risk of me feeling vulnerable. And in fact, Yes…. I’d love to step in my Masculine energy and direct this relationship so I never have to feel the vulnerability of letting you in.”
Yep….. younger years Ash didn’t let people love her. Mainly because I didn’t know how to love me yet.
But present day Ash is a whole other story!
These days for me to even hold a sexual attraction to a man, I have to feel pursued. IE he’s in his Masculine directive energy and I get to rest in my Divine Feminine. IE, there’s no doubt this man wants me.
In my personal life recently there’s been a few new developments amongst friends who I’ve been on dates with that have set off my Divine Feminine Safety radar…
- The Hot/Cold guy who is now hot and bothered because he sensed another man around
- The “I never want to be married guy” who is now proposing the possibility of marital bliss
- The reunited old friend who knew me during a time I try not to remember. The man I cannot hide who I was from.
There’s power in vulnerability? Laughed my ego….
So why so triggered…..?
Inauthenticity and Nakedness
The first doesn’t really see me, he sees his fears.
The second truly sees me, but is acting from fear.
Having been raised by a highly manipulative parent…. anyone who shows up inauthentic sets off my internal “danger is near” alarm.
The third….. well….. he’s seen a side of me that almost no one in my present day life has seen. And clearly doesn’t judge me for it, however…. that means nothing to my egoic fears
The fear energy I was feeling in my heart was the internal alarm system going off saying “Jump into your Masculine, get out of your Feminine. You can not handle being vulnerable. Oh heck, just shut down completely!”
An old voice….. not a true voice….. but a voice I’ve known before.
So what to do?
Tell the fear how wrong it is? Nah…. Would you scold a child for crying because they were scared?
I held my fear with love and compassion. Reminded that part of myself that I always have her back. She is safe. I sat with her with love until she was ready to move past it. And then I moved back in to present day Ash…. confident, loved, safe, accepted, and anchored in her Divine Feminine. Powerful in her vulnerabilities. Purposeful in her living and loving. Protected within her connection to the Divine. And with no shortage of available and eligible gentleman callers…. 😉
I hope my process helps you with yours
May you always find your way back to you.
The true you.
The powerful you.
The vulnerable you.
And may you let others love you too.
If you need help with your own process whether a fellow sensitive sweetie learning to create prosperity in the feminine, or someone who needs help with their internal world and living a life anchored in joy, love, and abundance, schedule your complimentary consultation with me here: http://bit.ly/1YvUvpz
Leading results based Celebrity Life Coach, Ashley specializes in emotional freedom, inner healing, unconscious and conscious mind transformation, and the internal resources necessary for success. There are solutions to suffering! . Ashley is known for helping her clients have radical lasting transformations and move into a state of thriving, joy centered living, and success. .